The Lotteraiser

My dear friends,

as many of you know, I am seriously obsessed with Karl Rove. And while I fully acknowledge this morally questionable, machiavillian fascination, I am very sorry to let you know: It is getting worse! This week, Ride2Recovery, an organisation assisting war veterans in their mental and physical rehabilitation programs, announced that a private lunch with Sarah Palin was to be auctioned off on ebay – with bids starting at 25,000 USD (Link to the auction).
Well, personally, I think this is a bit too much for a woman who’s not smarter than a third-grader (Click here to see the proof). However, the news coverage following Ride2Recovery’s press release also mentioned in a margin note that yet another private lunch was part of a charity auction for the vets’ program – and surprisingly at much lower starting bids: A private lunch with Karl Rove!!! (Link to the auction). Can you believe it? Those of you with a good memory might remember that ever since I started following politics I have wanted to meet Karl Rove. And finally he’s up for grabs! This is very exciting. Believe me, I am footstomping and howling like a crazy person – well on the inside, like you would expect it from a lady, of course. Just to be clear: I have excellent manners, no criminal record, no driving record, no financial record, I am a registered citizen and I vote. And I am most certainly not some sort of mental maniac (Yes, they’re running a background check on the winning bidder).

So, obviously this is a shameless means to start a Lotteraiser. You’ll understand that besides the spare money to win the auction I’ll need a bit of a travel purse to get my ass over the pond. Show some love!

Here’s a Lotter good reasons why you want to donate:

  • Karl Rove has superpowers. I want them. As my friends, you will evidently profit from my superpowers.
  • We all have a fascination for Evil. Just try to remember how often you quoted Darth Vader, The Godfather or Niccolò Machiavelli in the past – or all the times you brought up Hitler. Now help me with my Evil. In return, I’ll gladly donate if you feel like going to a Star Wars Convention, Little Italy or the Machiavelli Museum. Or to Sachsenhausen, for that matter.
  • How often did you plan on founding a political party or a triumvirate? My point exactly. After my private lunch with Karl Rove, I sure can tell you how to get elected on a wedge issue you don’t even back personally. After that, devil-may-care. It’s all about realignment, baby! I will also happily serve as your propaganda minister.
  • The money goes to Ride2Recovery and helps war veterans with their mental and physical recovery programs following military operations e.g. in Iraq. This is particularly ironic since the now vets were sent to Iraq as a result of the consultancy by Karl Rove (amongst others).
  • I have a credible testimonial endorsing my candidature – and there was only little bribery involved! Unfortunately I can’t embed videos, so you’ll have to click here.

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